In two days, I will walk out the doors of my school as an employee for the last time.
I knew that this day might come but always hoped that it would not. Even with all of the chaos, inconsistency, and lack of communication, I knew that I had found a place where my heart found a home. Ultimately, however, all of the utter unethical management put me in an untenable position, a position where I had to choose between the students I love and performing my job without compromising my beliefs. Even after I submitted my letter of intent indicating that I sought a transfer, I hoped that I would be able to stay. I have previously discussed a few of the things that pushed me past the tipping point so I will not rehash that, thus dwelling on the negative. Instead, I want to count my blessings by recounting all (or many) of the good things God brought into my life by placing me at that school.
The most amazing and life-changing aspect of my tenure has been the wonderful and challenging students God placed on my roster each year. While others look on my students and see stereotypes, I see instruments of God’s kindness and grace. Throughout these three years, God has taught me to see each one as an individual, wonderfully knit together in God’s image. I have learned how to listen and value what they have to say. This did not come all at once and really began in earnest last year. These kids both make me laugh and break my heart. I would not have it any other way.
I talked last week about field trips and how they have helped me build relationships with my students. These field trips have also changed my life. Not only have I learned about my own government and the United Nations, I have learned how valuable these opportunities are for the kids as well as the recognition of their work, showing them that they matter. This last year pushed me out of my comfort zone, helping me learn how to organize and properly run overnight field trips as well as take on the weighty responsibility of acting in loco parentis for these kids as I took them out of the state.
I have also become a better teacher overall even as I discovered that I want to teach social studies far more than English. Getting to know my students also, importantly, includes learning where they are academically. I started off my tenure with a goal of simply meeting the minimum standard as I readjusted to teaching. I grew increasingly frustrated that the things I designed failed to meet their needs. My students, many of them, come to the classroom with significant gaps for a variety of factors from language to learning disability and more. These gaps, instead of frustrating after the first year, spurred me to find ways to meet their needs and continues to do so.
On a personal level, I have gained significant adult friendship with coworkers whose gifts and talents both inspire and motivate me to reach for new levels. One of the primary reasons I started focusing more on building relationships came from observing one of the best friends I have ever had run a classroom in such a way that culminated with few disciplinary referrals, amazingly high test scores, and most importantly, overwhelming respect, admiration and love from her students. I count myself privileged to have learned from her and to have experienced a fraction of the same results.
As I bring this entry to a close, my heart warms as I think of all the good things God brought my way by placing me at this school. I also reflect on a sudden and completely unexpected turn of events that happened between when I started this entry and when I finished. Last Thursday, while returning from Washington, DC with my students, I learned that my principal has finally been demoted. The primary cause for all the heartache I have chronicled here will no longer lead the school. I sat on the bus, stunned, gazing around at the incredible students around me and contemplating the irony. I knew that I could choose to look on the decision to leave with regret. However, as I processed the news, I attended the eighth grade award ceremony and stuck around for the dance. These are the kids that wormed their way into my heart and ignited my passion for teaching. As I left the dance, I knew that I would, today, close the chapter on my three years at this school. You have to finish a chapter before proceeding to the next. I know that while this chapter has ended, the book most certainly has not. Tomorrow, I turn the page to see what the next chapter may bring.