My sister and I, as children and teenagers, frequently got into verbal arguments that escalated to the point of tears. I derailed many of the arguments with utter ignorance that others may view the world differently than I do. At other times, I selfishly wondered why Mom got upset upon coming home from a long day at work to find my dishes still in the sink or coffee grounds and other small bits of detritus on a counter I did not think to wipe off. Instead of even attempting to understand the other person. I justified myself and frequently learned nothing. Over the past several years, God has changed that.
I have learned over the years that I lack relational strength. That does not mean that I can excuse any of my behavior or that I have no chance of developing relational skills. It does mean, however, that learning how to build relationships and putting those skills into practice, does not come as easily to me as something like reading a book. This school year, especially, God has shown me a small glimpse of the fruits of hard labor put into relationship building.
I wish I could reflect upon the past several years and pinpoint the exact trajectory of the God-induced growth in this area. I can only speculate about the things God likely used to make me more like Him, to open my eyes to truly see people, to take them into account and put their needs in front of my own. I know it started back in those experiences I described at the beginning of this post. After the dust from each verbal explosion settled, I knew I had done something wrong and asked God for help to figure out what I had done or said wrong and how I could keep from making the same mistakes again.
The next thing I can place my finger on as providential in this journey is my job at my particular school. God has given me eightly-some unique human beings as students each year, many of whom bring significant numbers of ACEs, adverse childhood experiences to the classroom. As I reentered teaching after a five year hiatus, I called out to God for help in getting through to these precious children. Through a variety of means, God opened my eyes and taught me how to show grace and mercy to these needy yet amazing children.
One of the most important things you learn when studying how to reach these children is that showing mercy and compassion goes a lot farther than strict, no wiggle room rules. Some children come from homes where the de facto volume of speech is angry shouting. These children will not respond to teachers who do the same or show respect to people who seem no different than the examples they see at home. They need to be seen as human beings with innate value. Since they ,ay come from homes devoid of love, I have a duty of care. Even for the many students I teach that come from loving albeit economically-deprived homes, I owe that duty of care.
early on in my tenure at this school, I discovered that I needed to put in the hard work of learning about each student so that I could see them as the unique individuals they are. Each one brings life circumstances to school with them demanding attention and consideration. As I started taking time to put in the effort this attention takes, especially one challenged as I am relationally, I realized that the need to build relationships does not stop with the students on my roster; it extends to those I work with and everyone else in my life.
In recent weeks, God has continued to open my eyes to the needs of others. He started, most recently, with the teacher next door. As I conversed with another teacher expressing frustration regarding my neighbor, God opened my eyes to the resources this teacher had not been given and how that would significantly affect their behavior. I saw them with more empathy, something I instantly knew was all from God. later, God showed me things about my principal’s background that caused me to look on them with more empathy than I have been able to muster towards them for a long time.
This relationship building journey has just begun and will continue. I know it will require significant hard work and reliance on God for the strength to carry out that work. I see the fruit that GOd has given thus far and long to see more. I know He has good things in store.