I knew that once school started, I would have a lot on my plate. I had normal everyday school obligations plus the ones I have taken on voluntarily. Last week and the week before I had something right after school every day which meant that I did not get home until after six. The work did not end then, however, and spilled into the next several hours. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, the feeling of overwhelm that I battled many times before. It has not come and I doubt that it will summon up enough courage to show its face.
Cards on the table, here’s what my first few weeks of school have looked like. First, I scheduled vacations right up until the start of the school year. Second, I spent the teacher work days assembling my new room and making sure all my routines were in place, not writing lesson plans. Those two combined for a quasi-fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants first week where I had a rough sketch but no detailed plans until the night before. Third, I accepted a homebound position for 45 hours which meant trekking over to her house every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to make sure to get the hours in before October 1st when she returns to school. Fourth, I committed to help lead Lakeview’s YIG which means weekly treks over there. Fifth, I also committed to create a high school Model UN club which will not take too much time in the fall but did take some afternoon time a little over a week ago. Finally, the first few weeks of school also bring plenty of paperwork and other such items as preparing emergency plans and setting up teacher websites.
Bottom line, every day for the last two weeks i have squeezed in a workout in the morning, made it to school 5-20 minutes before the students come upstairs or befor I had to report for morning duty. My two plannings have filled up with professional development, two different content planning meetings, grade level meetings and other such obligations. Afternoons come with the aforementioned activities leaving two hours or less to prepare for the next school day and grade any work turned in that day. I long for more time but have yet to feel overwhelmed or to start to despair.
My plate will stay full for the foreseeable future as som activities end and others begin yet I have confidence that the overwhelm will stay at bay. What makes the difference? Not me, that’s for sure. I have talked many times before about my propensity for anxiety and negative spiraling. I have to constantly give to God these anxious feelings and the conflicted desire to do it all while berating myself for taking on too much. God can handle all of these things; I cannot.
Years have passed since I broke down crying multiple times a week unable to fit in four preps and everything else that comes with being a teacher. Although my journey likely started years before that point, my first year teaching marks my low point. From there, I look back and see how God has worked in me, molding me with every time a crisis arises. He did not take away anything from my plate, any of the times. Instead, He has given me enough strength for what I needed at the time. Each time He provided, He reminded me of how He provided before. My hard head needed those constant reminders.
As each day passes, the tasks pile up, unrelenting. I feel like I might draw close to the cliff but I long so much for peace that I keep turning to God and crying out for His help. Pressure mounts but I do not fear. I know that God has put just enough on my plate that I can handle while I rest in His promise.