In previous posts I have described how things have happened at school that made me contemplate crossing “the line.” My professor from last semester described “the line” as your ethical tipping point. As a leader, as a person even, we have to make decisions as to what we will address or not address various issues because if we address some things, jobs and reputations could be on the line. Even when my professor described facing this line, my personal response to such a situation was hypothetical. I saw some things brewing but hoped that I would be able to fly under the radar for a lot longer than I was. This past December I had to say something; things had crossed the line of what I was willing to let happen without saying something.
For obvious reasons, I will not go into the details of the situation, only say that suspicions and intuitions built over the course of calendar year 2018. It reached a point that I could no longer ignore. It crossed “the line” and I had to say something. I made a formal written report to the district even though I cynically believed that nothing would happen. I knew that I had to say something.
Over the past two or three weeks, a few things have happened at work that reek of retaliation. Again, I will not go into the details of what occurred. I wondered when these things first happened if the cause was my submission of my letter of intent indicating that I sought a transfer. That did not feel right, however, knowing past actions regarding similar situations with teachers who made that same decision to leave the school. I realized that these actions more likely stemmed from discovery of that written statement which touched on an apparently sensitive point.
I realized that I have become a target, so much so that some of my close work friends see it. When I started writing this entry last close to two weeks ago, I asked my life group if they would pray for me as I faced this potential retaliation. I asked for prayer to humbly accept any just criticism that came my way yet still stand strong on what I believe. The very next day, I found myself swept into a maelstrom of retaliation regarding an incident which I could not possibly have witnessed since I did not even attend that particular after school activity. Although I escaped relatively unscathed, the turmoil has continued to roil my grade level and could consume the entire school. I know that sounds melodramatic. However, unfortunately, that could actually happen.
I, and the rest of my coworkers, now face the months of March, April, and May, months already tense from the build up to Spring Break and state testing, with a retaliatory threat hanging over our heads. We have been pushed into isolated corners fearing that someone will see us talking and assume the worst about our conversations. It will not be long before the students pick up on this tension if they have not already noticed. I, and the people I work with, want the students to succeed, yet how can they when their own teachers cannot communicate without fear of payback.
In the midst of all of this, two of my close work friends, one of whom has escaped the toxic environment and the other who experiences it with me currently, commented on how well I seem to be handling the situation mentally. When they said that, it startled me and then made me think. What do they see? I feel overwhelmed and I cry out to God to help me handle everything coming my way. As soon as I thought that though, I knew that they see God in me. I know that me even a few years ago would not have responded nearly as well to everything. God has changed me and now has kindly given me external confirmation of what He has done.
As the days unfold in the remainder of this school year, turmoil will likely persist. God could step in and sweep away the trouble tomorrow, resolving everything for the benefit of all involved. In the far more probably event that He does not, I know that He will equip me to face whatever may come and through those trials mold and shape me into someone more like Him. Even in the times where I do not understand and cry out for help, I will trust in Him!