A week from tomorrow marks the last day of the 2017-2018 school year and the end of a fruitful working partnership with a co-worker who moves on to a new school. Yesterday, American remembered the sacrifice of many thousands of service men and women who gave their lives in service of their country. Two days ago, Sunday, the message from Ecclesiastes focused on death and how we, as Christians, respond. The idea of the end has been quite prominent lately. The end guarantees change, something I have struggled with as long as I can remember. How do we deal with change? How do I deal with change?
In the past, I clung to the remnant, the echo, of what used to be with a tenacity that damaged myself and sometimes others around me. For example, as a child, my birthday was a full, extended family affair. I share my birthday with my uncle and the United States. On top of that, my other uncle’s birthday came four days later. We turned July 4th into the second largest holiday in my family after Christmas. The celebration lasted all day, late in the day so we could watch fireworks lit by my uncles and later my cousins in the street in front of the house. When things started to change, when this celebration became less important to others, I did not take it well. Several birthdays passed with at least one episode of sobs. These family gatherings meant something special to me, so special that I cannot adequately express in words how much they meant. Though God has been working in my life in this area, my perception of some of these family members still bears the taint of my struggle to come to terms with the end.
This began to change significantly two years ago. When, through entirely my own fault, I lost my job not once but twice, change came suddenly and unavoidably. Quite a few crying jags and desperate questioning of God came with that change. God answered those questions. he did not answer them in a comfortable way. He put His finger right on my selfishness and extracted this malignant root in what sometimes felt like the most painful way possible. As the cloud began to lift, God in His graciousness showed me how He has a plan, that He always has a purpose in the change. When He ends something, He does so for the purpose of bringing Himself more glory.
Ahead I face uncertainty. Without naming specifics, the end of this particular school year brings uncertainty in the area both of coworkers and teaching assignment. For reasons about which I will not speculate, my principal has made decisions which have not only led to the departure of a significant number of colleagues but have also left me wondering whether I will teach ELA or Social studies next year and which grade level to boot. I could approach this fearfully. A nugget of anxiety still resides in my heart as I think about the possibility of not knowing for the whole summer, a summer I want to use to plan, to prepare to teach to the best of my ability. Instead, I choose to rest in the knowledge that God has this completely under control. He will help me navigate the uncertainties that lie ahead as one school year ends and another begins.
The end, whether it is the end of a life or the end of an era, brings uncertainty and all its unwelcome cousins. Thankfully, I can rest in the certain, unchanging God who directs my every step.